You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
