i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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