super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's blow job season.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
