I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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