mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
