I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
