its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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