I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
