Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
