I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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