I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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