i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize