i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
