road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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