Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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