i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
