no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
