Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
