i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
