i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
