WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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