i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
