'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
