Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
