im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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