I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
