Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
