We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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