I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
