A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
