suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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