You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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