you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
