Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
