Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
