Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
