worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
