Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Randomize
