i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
someone owes me an orgasm
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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