Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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