Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's paint friendship bongs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A bitchslap is in order.
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