I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
