You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
