Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
