but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
