She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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