Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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