Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
