Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize