You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
