He kissed a someone with a penis
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
