I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize