you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
