Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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