I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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