Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
