I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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