I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
