Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
