i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
